This holiday weekend has pros (holiday travel, mashed potatoes) and cons (clingy cousin, family dog). The Hometown Hookup is a similarly mixed bag and just as hard to pull off as a perfectly basted turkey. Following are eight stories in which the perpetrators escaped the Thanksgiving feast and the stars aligned long enough for at least a little making out. And some foot action in one case. Enjoy!
1. I was home for Thanksgiving and went out to the ONLY bar in my hometown. In addition to running into everyone I went to high school with, I run into my #1 high school dream crush: the guy who was senior homecoming king when I was a lowly freshman. I had been in love with this boy, and this time around I wasn’t 14! I knew how to get guys! I promptly wooed him, and took him home in a taxi. We made the taxi go through the Del Taco drive-thru (he paid, what a gentleman). So we go into my childhood bedroom, eat a lot of Del Taco, and put on an episode of “Dexter” to not watch (Why “Dexter”? It was his pick). Cut to: awesome sex, dreams come true. Next morning: my parents chatting away as is their Saturday morning ritual in the living room with Mr. Homecoming still in my bed. We could hear their every word. I have never introduced my parents to a boy, let alone bring one home for a sleepover. But it was clear there was no escape. When my dad went to run an errand I went out to my mom, and said “Mom, there’s a boy in my room. Do you remember _____ __________from high school?” And she says, “The cute football player? Nice! I’ll hide.” 2. When I came home for the holidays freshman year of college there was a huge party at a friend’s house. I was feeling nostalgic romantic feelings about my high school crush. He was a classy guy who used to tell the entire guy’s soccer team the color of my thong when it stuck out of my jeans in pre-cal class. Clearly this holiday party was my chance to redeem the unrequited love. After making out in a dark corner by the fence, we somehow ended up laying in the front yard and he got the tip in… but couldn’t make it past that. I was wearing my friend’s mom’s white cardigan and when I returned to the party it was completely ruined by mud. He also bit my lip to the point of swelling, so I looked super cute in the rest of photos that night. I’m pretty sure he tells everyone he lost his virginity that night.
3. I was home for winter break and promised my mom I would help her make food for our huge holiday dinner. Instead ___ and I got coffee and ended up hooking up in the backseat of my car in a child’s daycare parking lot. When he started licking my feet I knew I should have been peeling sweet potatoes instead. 4. I went back to NYC for Thanksgiving break my freshman year, three months after my high school boyfriend broke up with me. I knew he would come to the party his best friend was throwing, so I wore a ton of makeup and the jeans he liked. I stupidly assumed his co-host was a friend from college. One of them started hitting on me so I went for it in front of all of our friends. I felt so empowered because my ex wouldn’t take his eyes off of me and looked genuinely concerned. In a cab home that night my friend Nina texted me and said “I heard you hooked up with a homeless dealer! ARE YOU OK?” Turns out the guy wasn’t my ex’s friend but a homeless weed dealer he invited inside to use the bathroom and eat something warm. I REALLY SHOWED HIM how well I was doing! Post the infamous hookup, I got a bad cold sore and thought it was herpes. Thankfully it wasn’t!
5. I once broke a bed over winter break. I went out to a club, and met a guy who was… a friend of a friend of a friend. We went home together and things got a little too aggressive for his Macy’s bed. I’ve heard through the grapevine that he got it replaced…maybe as a Christmas gift?
6. It’s two years into college and I’m more sure of myself/not a psycho when I started getting flirty messages from a guy I had practically stalked in high school. When I went home for the holidays, he confessed he’s had a crush on me since high school and we proceeded to have sex ALL OVER his friend’s house at 2a.m., and it wasn’t just the alcohol as we repeated it all the next morning. Then we said a final goodbye and were very cordial. Two days later he officially started a relationship with a girl he had been talking to for months — and after we had hooked up he tweeted “don’t hate the player hate the game.” 7. My best friend’s older brother had been flirting with me since I was 16 and he was 20. Finally during one college winter break, I noticed he kept picking me as his partner during every drinking game (romantic, I know.) Another girl was throwing herself at him and he kept coming over to me instead. When everyone went to sleep — this was one of those house parties where everyone sleeps over — we started full on making out on the floor in between the guests, our friends, and his sister. She didn’t find out until years later. 8. I lost my virginity in my parent’s bed at my own holiday party to my best friend’s ex boyfriend. She still doesn’t know.
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