As China’s genius holiday on November 11 called Singles’ Day has passed for another year, it’s very clear that the U.S. needs a calendar that embraces love more effectively. Or at least more honestly. I propose striking Valentine’s Day from the record. Obama refused to rewrite the calendar, so I did his job for him (again.)January 1, Gym Subscription DayFebruary 13, New Bank Holiday / “Fifty Shades of Grey” Release DayFebruary 14, Nope, Nothing to See Here DayMarch 18, Bar Makeout Awareness DayApril 15 – 21, Is Everyone Pregnant All of a Sudden? WeekMay 1, How to Date a Guy with a Beach House Strategy ConferenceMay 25 – 27, Memorial “Can You Put this SPF 15 On Me?” Day WeekendFirst Friday in June, Summer Friday Happy Hour Prospect Choosing CeremonyJuly 4, Men Holding Meat on Instagram DayAugust, National Long Weekend MonthLast Friday in August, Summer Friday Happy Hour CommencementSeptember 23, Cancel Gym Subscription DayOctober 1-30, Couples’ Costume Talent SearchNovember 1, Is it Time To Meet The Parents? Couples’ Strained Brunch Conversation DayNovember 11, Singles’ DayNovember 27, Parent Opinion Gathering DayDecember 25, Parent Opinion Reinforcement DayDecember 31, Hot Makeout with the Tourist Next to You Day
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