Does your spouse come across negative towards you? Are you feeling as if he’s always a “glass half empty” kind of person with nothing ever good to say? If this is happening to you, you’re probably longing for happier days. The days when everything doesn’t lead to war and gloom in your home. You may not be able to change him, but you can gain your power back so that your marriage doesn’t take a toll on your inner happiness.
First, you should focus on yourself. This means remaining in control of your feelings, words, and actions. You can’t control what another adult decides to do. All you can do is set a good example. This won’t be easy at first. Especially, if he tries to push your buttons. Over time, you’ll be able to have a different perspective on where his negative energy is coming from. Nine times out of 10, he’s dealing with his own shortcomings.
This leads to the next advice. Try to understand that your husband may be dealing with feelings of fear. Fear can come in variations such as shame (fear of a perception), or inadequacy (fear of not being good enough). Your spouse will have a hard time accepting that he is the root of his own problem. Pointing it out to him will likely make it worse and drain you even more. Understanding him is for your sake, not his. This is so you can see that you’re not the root of his problem.
This leads to the final point. You know that negativity that he dishes out on you? Imagine if you were him living with these feelings day in and day out. It must be pretty miserable for him to have that warped view on reality. Try to have compassion for who he is at the core. He’s likely a vulnerable person who has built up walls and defense mechanisms, because he doesn’t know any other way. Listen to him when he speaks, but avoid responding.
At the end of the day, you can’t change anyone. Not even someone you love. All you can do is allow them to be who they are in the moment they are in it. If you find that it is too much for you to tolerate, it may be best to start working on removing yourself from the situation.
