If you are currently in a relationship or have ever been in a relationship, then you can probably testify to how imperfect they are. Although you and your partner love each other, you are bound to disagree sometimes. If your disagreements become too frequent and last too long, you may even start to fall out of love with each other.
Disagreements are normal and are a part of every relationship. Throw in the fact that one of you may be a little hot headed, or the other one is passive aggressive and/ or both of you can hold a grudge, you’ve got a recipe for trouble.
Top Causes Of Couple’s Arguments
Some common reasons a couple may argue may be…
- One wants sex more than the other
- One is lax about housework while the other one is a neat freak
- One is a saver and the other is a spender
Regardless of the reason, there is a way to communicate with your partner so that you are heard and they feel heard too.
#1 – Awareness.
Be aware that you and your partner may have been raised differently, so fundamentally you won’t have the same view about things. Example: While growing up, the kitchen table may have been used to store piles of paper and mail. For your partner, the table was used for eat dinner and connect with the family and should only be used as such. Be aware that these fundamental differences are what make you two unique. Neither of you are right or wrong, you just have a different view on things. Becoming aware and then accepting your differences is the key to avoiding many arguments because you’re no longer judgmental.
#2 – It Won’t Be Fair.
Sometimes you are going to do more than your spouse and sometimes they are going to do more than you. Example: You may help the kids with homework more because to you grades are super important. Or, your partner may do more cleaning than you because appearance to them means everything. There will be some things in the relationship that won’t be “fair”. There will be some areas where we function higher than in others. If you’re thinking, “Yeah, but I do more of everything.” That’s still a biased point of view because your partner may feel, “Hey, I do more of what really counts.” Change your attitude about what’s “fair” in a relationship and realize there will be areas where you’re going to do “more” than them. Accepting this also allows you to come to a better solution.
#3 – Be Okay With What They Are Okay With.
Whenever we decide we want to make a change in our lives, suddenly we think the world should change too. And, when others don’t change we usually start to judge. The first person who catches the judgment is usually your partner. If you are changing things in your life, don’t try and force your partner to do it too. They are an individual and should be respected for their choices, just like you want to be respected for yours. Allowing your partner to grow at their own pace will eliminate a lot of “holier than thou” arguments.
READ MORE: How To Communicate With Your Partner When You Disagree
