Have you and your partner been brainstorming on how to add a little more kink to your sex life? Has one of those ideas included a threesome? Couples often believe that adding a third party into the mix from time to time will bring about better sex and better orgasms. But before you go off believing the staged sex scenes you see you on TV, know the reality of what can actually happen before, during and after a threesome. This isn’t to discourage you, but just to remind you that nothing’s perfect – not even your wildest sexual fantasy. We humans can be very finicky. One wrong move and your relationship could be as good as dead. For the sake of this article, let’s assume this threesome involves inviting another woman into the bedroom (although these issues apply both ways).
Here are 3 immediate issues that could come up before, during and after a threesome:
- Before it ever happens: What if you two can’t agree on the kind of woman? What if he likes certain features that either a.) you don’t like, or b.) you don’t have. That could plant seeds of insecurity already.
- While it’s happening: What if there’s no chemistry at all between the three of you and things fall really flat in the bedroom? Awkward.
- After it happens: What if once it actually happens you feel jealous? Maybe you feel your partner enjoyed the other person a little too much or what if he feels you’re a little too into women?
These are all real things to consider. Here’s advice from licensed sex psychotherapist, Vanessa Marin on how to make a threesome go as smoothly as possible.
First, find out if this is something you really want to do it? If this is something you’ve been talking about for a while, but haven’t moved forward with yet, that could be a sign. Sometimes, it’s actually more fun to fantasize about it than actually living it out.
Second, when you’re actually ready to find that person, you’ve got a few options. There are dating websites and apps specifically designed for threesomes. This is much more efficient than just trying to pick someone up at a bar – bad idea.
Third, before actually having a romantic encounter with them, meet them in person in a casual setting. This is to make sure there’s good chemistry (and also to make sure they are who they say they are).
Fourth, you and your partner need to create some boundaries. Both of you should get clear on what’s “appropriate” and what’s not. Is the other person there for just you or is your partner allowed to join in. If so, to what extent? Intercourse? No intercourse? Get clear on these things before hand. Also, come up with a code word for when things are going too far or getting sticky. Let the third person know too, so they won’t cross boundaries either.
And finally fifth, realize that jealousy will happen. Marin says, “If you care about your boyfriend, some part of you is going to get fired up seeing his hands on another woman. The challenge is figuring out if the uncomfortable feelings are worth the thrill.”
Marin along with other experts strongly recommend you:
- Don’t use a friend. Using a friend could ruin your friendship.
- Don’t invite them to your home. You may want to rent a hotel room. If it doesn’t go well, you don’t want to be reminded about “that” time every time you go to bed.
- Don’t go forward if you’re worried he’ll begin liking other body types.
- Don’t go forward if he’s feeling you like women more than him.
READ MORE: 6 Tips For Having A Threesome Without Ruining Your Relationship In The Process
